I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
