There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
