I think i peed on brittanys purse
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
