You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
