is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
