spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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