4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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