She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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