Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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