Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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