I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
