Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
