You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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