So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
