i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize