Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
