went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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