lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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