we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
