Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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