dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I just went to clothing optional bar
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
