I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
