woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
