You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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