I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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