so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
