call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
