She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
