I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize