He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
