Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dignity is for republicans.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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