Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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