So drunk its hurt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
