out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize