Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
