if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
