i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
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