Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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