Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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