i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize