It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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