Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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