Girls should come with a carfax report
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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