I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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