I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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