Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
