He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
