Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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