you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
