I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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