I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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