How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
