So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
