Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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