Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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