Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
