i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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