remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
