now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
