she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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