Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize