She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
