Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
