We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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