you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
