I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
