had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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