Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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