We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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