Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
