I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
