I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
