i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
