After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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