nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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