sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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