I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
