shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this just has baby written all over it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize