i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
