Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
