It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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