Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
