he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
